Favorite Day Monster Drizzle Caramel Corn

At least part of food blogging is aesthetics. To some degree, we have to worry about nice colors, layouts, and pretty pictures. So when target.com ships a chocolate-covered caramel corn mix in 90°F+ heat and it melts all over the see-through window on the packaging, it's kind of a bummer. It looks ugly.

But I just think of it as a healthy dose of veritas baked into the art form. It's not like I'm going to clean the chocolate off the little window and I'm certainly not going to drive to Target to get a refund or anything like that. It is what it is. This product came with grungy packaging and you get to see it in all its glory.

How's the food within the packaging, you ask? Meh. It's edible. The best part of Monster Trail Mix is all the various ingredients. It's supposed to have peanuts, M&M's, raisins, chocolate chips, peanut butter chips, pretzel balls, and/or peanut butter cups, depending upon which version you've got. 

We tried the Monster Granola Bars a while back, and they had peanuts, raisins, M&M's, chocolate chips, and peanut butter chips, all in a convenient bar format. This stuff is just caramel corn with chocolate and pretzels...and there are barely any pretzels! So it's essentially just run-of-the-mill caramel corn with a bit of chocolate, most of which melted in our bag and stuck to the sides of the packaging.

It's part of Target's "Supernatural Sweets" line which, I guess, is seasonal...and imbued with the same demonic powers that inhabit the souls of Target's executives. Figures.

$4.00 for the resealable 7 oz bag. I wouldn't buy again. Maybe I can pawn this stuff off on the wifey...

I give this snack 5 out of 10 stars.

Favorite Day Valentine Crunchy Clusters

Dental warning! If you have dental work or any kind of fixtures in your mouth that you want to keep in place, you might want to sit this one out. The caramel in between these pretzels feels like semi-dried super glue. To say it's hard to chew or that it's "sticky" are both understatements. I'd recommend just sucking on them, but that doesn't really work with the pretzels here.

That said, Favorite Day Valentine Crunchy Clusters are quite tasty. The saltiness from the pretzels balances out the sweetness from the white chocolate and caramel, otherwise it might be too far in the direction of SUGAR OVERLOAD​​. But pretzels are the number one ingredient, and there's a fair amount of sodium—maybe even a bit too much sodium if you're watching out for high blood pressure or anything like that.

Some of the pieces are way too big to be bite-sized, and if you try to bite them in half, the pretzel and white drizzle crumble everywhere while the thick, stiff caramel fights against your teeth and tries desperately to hold everything together. It gets messy and uncomfortable.

The clusters are slightly more agreeable texture-wise when warmed. It has been very cold here in the upper midwest and that might account for some of the firmness of the caramel. I don't mean put them in the microwave, although, you never know, that might work. I put my bag of Valentine Crunchy Clusters in front of a space heater for 5 or 10 minutes and that seems to help. The candy is still absurdly hard to chew, but at least I was able to keep my dental crowns intact.

The wifey agrees with my assessment. We definitely won't purchase this product again because of the unyielding caramel mass at the center of each cluster, but if something similar came along that was easier to chew, I'd certainly check it out.

I give these crunchy clusters 5 out of 10 stars.

Wondershop White Chocolaty Coated with Crystal Candy Sprinkles Marshmallow

I've never been a fan of eating just marshmallows. S'Mores? Yes. Marshmallows in hot chocolate? Of course. Fluffernutters? Indeed. Kit Kat Witch's Brew? Love 'em.

I know, I know. I'm not allowed to review something that is just marshmallows if I don't already love just marshmallows. But here I go anyway. I mean, there's supposed to be crystal sprinkles and a white chocolate coating, right? So it's not just marshmallow.

But it's still not super fun to eat. It's just a stiff, gritty, sugary mess. If not for the white chocolaty coating—the only semi-redeeming aspect of the product—and, at my wife's suggestion, dipping it repeatedly in a big mug of hot cocoa, I don't think I would have finished it. The flavor was vaguely sweet but otherwise bland, with a touch of white chocolatiness somewhere in there.

This product was on clearance at our local Target, and I think it was 99 cents, marked down from about double that. No wonder. I don't think this product did very well and it looks like it's now discontinued. Even the name is awkward and sounds ridiculous. 

I guess it's stocking stuffer material for sure. It's presented well and it's not very expensive, so there's that. I'm thinking there might still be some stragglers out there on clearance shelves at select locations, but I'd steer clear if I were you.

I give this big marshmallow 5 out of 10 stars.

Simply Balanced Sea Salt & Vinegar Roasted Chickpea Snack

I'm not sure if it's ever come up before on this blog, but I LOVE CHICKPEAS.

Honestly, I've always had a huge affinity for the nutritious legumes. While my childhood friends would pile up croutons and dressing on top of their salads, I remember stacking my plate high with a bed of greens and a massive tower of garbanzo beans. I'll occasionally snack on nothing but chickpeas with a little salt and pepper. In short, I'm a fan.

And recently, these dried chickpea-based treats have been popping up in different flavors from quite a few different brands. This is the second such offering that I've tried.

And unfortunately, I think this product might have scored higher in my book had I not tried a similar offering from Trader Joe's just a couple weeks prior.

The Trader Joe's chickpeas were larger, they had a much better seasoning on them, and somehow they still flaunted more natural chickpea taste. These snacks were very gritty—almost sandy, and much harder to chew than the other chickpea snacks I've sampled. This Simply Balanced product was vaguely salty, but there was very little vinegar flavor, in my opinion.

On the plus side, there's still a good amount of fiber and protein here, and the resealable bag is uber-convenient, as always. Because of my love of the great garbanzo bean, I'd give another flavor a chance in the future.

But as for this particular chickpea snack, I can't go much higher than five out of 10 stars.

Archer Farms Red Velvet Cake Cookies

It has recently come to my attention that red velvet cake is very similar to just a regular chocolate cake with red coloring added. Although, I've read that some red velvet cakes are actually vanilla cakes with red food coloring added. Furthermore, the coloring is often a type of deep red cocoa, which of course affects not only the color, but also the flavor of the cake.

But more than this, I can taste a difference between red velvet cake and chocolate cake, and in almost every instance, I prefer the red velvet. And these cookies most certainly taste like a red velvet cake, but unfortunately, it's not a very good one.

The overall flavor isn't horrible. Imagine a very stale red velvet cake that's been sitting out for days. It just tastes kind of old and weird. The icing is a nice addition, although it's not white chocolate exactly. It's just "white icing." Who knows what that means? I would describe it as something in-between white chocolate and fake cream cheese, but much more stiff.

And that brings me to my next point: the texture.

It was just way the heck off.

If you've ever—you know, just out of curiosity—eaten a dog biscuit ...well, that's pretty much the texture you get here. It's a dry, crumbly, stiff texture. They tried to keep the product moist by wrapping it in plastic and stuffing each cookie way down in its own plastic slot, but to no avail. The goofy packaging just made it more difficult to remove the cookies from the box.

These cookies were a nice idea. But that's as far as I'll go. Again, the flavor isn't atrocious, just the texture and feel are. I know that I'll never make this purchase again, and I suggest you do the same unless you really love red velvet and you're feeling extra lucky. It's always possible I just got a bad batch.

But I'm thinking that's not the case. Until Target has an actual bakery right there in their grocery section like some big markets do, I don't think I'll be happy with their red velvet cookies.

I give this product 5 out of 10 stars.

Archer Farms Raspberry Dark Mocha Latte

There are some things I really like about Starbucks and some things I really hate about them. I love the taste of their frappuccinos, although I'd probably take a Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf frozen drink over a Starbucks. I like the vibe in most Starbucks locations, and I like that they provide inexpensive health care to their workers. But I hate how they crush mom & pops coffee shops, and I hate that they practically have a monopoly on the pre-packaged frappuccino market.

From time to time, I'll see Seattle's Best or some other cold coffee drink pop up in supermarkets, but many times, they wind up disappearing soon thereafter. I guess they simply can't compete with Starbucks' sales. And I very rarely see another brand name cold coffee beverage in convenience stores. So every chance I get, I try to buy the competition's cold coffee drink.

This Archer Farms product is a good example of why that's not always a good idea. In its defense, it is low-fat. But it tastes like it, too. It almost tastes watered-down to me. The level of raspberry-ness is pretty good, but there's very little mocha flavor. It honestly tastes like they made a half-decent frappuccino-style drink and then cut it by adding water. Like, lots of water.

At 100 calories, I can't complain too much. And after all, the main reason people drink coffee isn't just for the taste, but for the effect of the caffeine. And this product contains caffeine. I'm not sure how much, but it definitely has some.

And don't get me wrong, it doesn't taste bad, it just isn't particularly dessert-ish. Certainly not as dessert-ish as I wanted it to taste, and not nearly as dessert-ish as "Raspberry Dark Mocha" sounds.

I can totally conceive that there are people out there that do like this product, but I'll certainly never buy it again. I'm torn between 5 and 6 stars. I assumed my wife would like these more than I did, but she actually found them revolting. So I'll go with 5.

I give this product 5 out of 10 stars.

Archer Farms Sugar-Free Cherry Citrus Energy Drink

The first thing that hit me about this energy drink when I tried it for the first time was that it tasted sugar-free. Neither the grapefruit flavor nor the pomegranate blueberry flavor tasted like "lite" options. But with this flavor, there's even a sort of fake sweetener aftertaste—this sour chemical tinge that lingers on the tongue, and it's pretty nasty.

It does taste slightly of cherry, but then that cherry-esque essence gives way to an unpleasant aspartame-like flavor. I checked the ingredients and there isn't any actual aspartame. Maybe it's the sucralose or one of the many unpronounceable chemicals that rounds out the list of additives.

I also couldn't taste the "citrus" flavor mentioned on the packaging. I guess maybe adding citric acid to a product justifies calling it "citrus" flavored, but it doesn't really work if you add another flavor like cherry, too. The cherry flavor will overshadow the "citrus" flavor of the citric acid every time.

But, on the plus side, the drink does have caffeine. It did wake me up. It has B vitamins, ginseng, taurine, vitamin C, and all that good stuff.

And with only 10 calories, I guess I can't complain. Although, I'd really prefer a diet soda, most of which have 0 calories, over this beverage. I'm really not sure why it has even 10 calories.

This is definitely something I won't buy in the future. If I want a low-calorie option, I'll take the grapefruit flavor over this one any day. If I want a mid-calorie option, I'll take the blueberry pomegranate flavor.


Bottom line: 5 out of 10.

Archer Farms Blueberry Açaí Granola Bars

I've been a fan of açaí berries ever since I had a smoothie made of them from Jamba Juice—circa 2005. I'm not sure why the "c" in "açaí" has a little goatee or what it means, but I've been taught to pronounce the word like "ah-sigh-yee."

They're tasty little buggers full of antioxidants and so are blueberries. However, the sweetness of both berries fails to fully come through in these bars. The bars have more of a grainy, granola taste. They're pretty small, but very dense.

Likewise, the texture of this product is more heavily influenced by its grains than by its fruits. I kinda wish the berries were more prominent, because what I can taste and feel of them is great. The overall effect of the bars is pretty dry and gritty. I certainly wouldn't put them in a sweet treats category. They'd be better for curbing hunger or tiding someone over until the next meal.

But then again, I do have a sweet tooth and many people might not mind the lack of sugary sweetness in these bars as much as I did. I'm not sure why they didn't qualify for Archer Farms' "Simply Balanced" label, but they seem like maybe they should fall into that realm. Their calorie count isn't excessive, they've got a significant amount of fiber, and both of the aforementioned berries are "good-for-you."

There's also a bit of an unpleasant aftertaste, too. It's subtle, but definitely there. I think with a little tweaking, these could be a decent snacktastic treat, but for now, they're not really winners in my book.


I give these bars 5 out of 10 stars.

Archer Farms Blackberry Yogurt

Recently, I've reviewed Archer Farms Banana Cream Pie and Strawberry Cheesecake yogurts. This will be the third and final installment of my initial Archer Farms Yogurt Trilogy. That's not to say I won't be checking out other yogurts in the future...I just might take a little break.

So far, only the strawberry cheesecake variety has impressed me. And the taste of this blackberry yogurt further supports my theory that Archer Farms' fat free yogurts are rubbish compared to those that contain just a gram and a half of fat.

This yogurt is quite bland, with only a fraction of the rich blackberry taste that I had hoped for. Although bananas and blackberries taste nothing like one another, the two yogurts come across the palate in a very similar manner. There's a decided lack of flavor, with only a hint of anything other than plain, fat free yogurt sourness coming through. They both also taste like they contain artificial sweeteners to me. That's not to say they actually do contain them, but my tongue swears that it detects aspartame or something along those lines.

The only thing that gives this flavor any advantage over the banana cream pie is the presence of little fruit bits. Whirled throughout the cup are tiny pieces of chopped, almost pureed, blackberries. They do very little in the taste department, except for possibly adding a hint of tartness, but they do improve the texture slightly. Banana got 4 stars. Strawberry cheesecake got 9 stars.

This cup of yogurt gets 5 out of 10 stars.

Archer Farms Southwest-Inspired Couscous Lunch Bowl

A weird thing happened when I opened this package. The little balls of dry couscous started climbing up the sides of the round plastic black bowl like bugs trying to escape from a trap. Fortunately, I didn't panic, and I realized that it was actually the static electricity I had generated while unwrapping and opening the packaging that was causing the couscous to move on its own. It weirded me out a bit, but I pressed on and continued preparing this couscous dish.

It's been a while since I've had couscous. I thought I remembered liking it, but after this meal, I'm not really so sure. It wasn't terrible by any means, but really liking couscous is definitely a prerequisite for enjoying this bowl.

I added the recommended amount of water and stirred it for quite while before popping it in the microwave. I thought that it might actually need more water, since some would undoubtedly evaporate while heating, but when it was done, there was an excess of water instead, though some more of it did get absorbed while "fluffing" the couscous with my fork, as recommended on the preparation instructions.

Despite copious stirring and fluffing, the powder flavoring wasn't distributed evenly. It seemed to settle at the bottom, making the top layers too bland and the bottom layers too strong. The flavoring had a nice southwestern kick to it, and it was flavorful as well—like a good southwestern style salad dressing almost. Mmmm...salad dressing from an OXO Salad Dressing Shaker, Black (Google Affiliate Ad)! The couscous itself felt and tasted instant, which of course, it is, but you never want instant stuff to taste that way. I had forgotten how gritty and unusual the texture of couscous is, and I think the quick microwave preparation might enhance those potentially-negative properties of the couscous. As I said before, you really have to love couscous to make this purchase worth it.

Our bowl was on special for $2.19. And considering that it's relatively healthy, save for a hefty dosage of daily sodium, it wouldn't be a terrible lunch if you happened to be a fan of the taste and texture. Unfortunately, I wasn't. Also, the last little bit of couscous is nearly impossible to get out of the bowl with a fork, as there are frustrating little grooves for them to hide in on the sides of the container. All things considered, I don't see myself making this purchase again any time soon.

I give this 5 out of 10 stars.