Archer Farms Maryland-Style Mini Crab Cakes

As the packaging for this product suggests, Maryland is the crab cake capital of the world. Specifically, I'd pinpoint the center of crab cake-dom on earth to be Baltimore's Inner Harbor on the Chesapeake Bay.

I grew up just 15 minutes north of the Maryland border in central Pennsylvania, and about an hour and a half from the Inner Harbor, so I've had a decent crab cake or two in my day. And if I didn't know the difference between a good crab cake and a "meh" crab cake, I might have enjoyed these guys a little more.

But unfortunately, I found them a tad disappointing. I might have written off their blandness to the fact that they're pre-packaged and frozen, but alas, I've had relatively good, pre-packaged, frozen crab cakes.

Most disappointing was the lack of traditional crab seasoning. I didn't taste it at all. There are potato chips that taste more like real crab cakes than these things do.

Also very discouraging was the surprising

absence of the taste of real crab. I'm not saying there wasn't any crab in them, I'm just saying I didn't really taste it. All I tasted were some panko breadcrumbs and tiny bits of diced peppers—which, in this product's defense, were fairly good. Plus, a sauce might have helped enhance the flavor of these crab cakes: remoulade, tartar sauce, or cocktail sauce. It wouldn't hurt to throw a packet of sauce in there for version 2.0, Target.

For those of you who've never had a real crab cake, you probably wouldn't be nearly as disappointed with these as I was. Just don't think that these are necessarily what crab cakes are all about. They don't taste bad, they just don't taste like the crab cakes I know and love.

I'll be generous and give this product 6 out of 10 stars.

Archer Farms Bacon Wrapped Scallops

In our neverending search for the first 10-star product from Archer Farms, we've been splurging a bit on the hors d'oeuvres. This is another pricey one, about $7 at our Target.

We came close to a perfect 10 with the Crab Rangoon. And one yogurt flavor and one dessert have the distinction of 9 star scores.

We've also never discovered anything worthy of 3 stars or less. Which is good. That says something about the relative quality of Archer Farms products. This product is no exception, and it falls closer to the top of the scale than the bottom, for sure.

Strangely, the packaging calls this a "scallop" rather than "scallops," but I assure you there are more than one inside the box. Not many more...but I think I counted 10 or so.

They came frozen together. Solid. I had to let them thaw a bit before prying them apart on the baking sheet. Even then it was difficult. I highly recommend taking their suggestion to put these on aluminum foil for "easy cleanup." They're quite messy. And fatty! There were giant pools of grease underneath each piece.

The bacon was crispy and the scallops were soft after baking. The texture was pretty impressive, I'd say. Sometimes scallops can be too chewy, but not these. They aren't the best scallops I've ever tried, but their texture was top-notch. The bacon made the product greasy but flavorful, and each element added just enough taste to balance the other out.

If you eat the whole package, you're looking at 3/4 of your daily saturated fat. Which is to say... don't eat the whole package at once. A "serving size" is apparently 5 pieces. That would suffice to quell most appetites and make one feel adequately fattened.

If you're into bacon and scallops, check these out. Another restaurant-quality product from your local Target freezer.

I give these 8 out of 10 stars.

Archer Farms Lobster & Cheese Bites

I have that terrible song about McDonald's Fish McBites stuck in my head. "Fish fish McBites, McBites, fish fish McBites, McBites. They're fish-ay fish-ay!" In general, I always understood it to be a bad thing for something to taste "fishy," even if it is a seafood product. So to declare that "they're fish-ay fish-ay" is to declare that they're a little on the funky side. That's one of the main reasons I haven't tried them and probably won't.

These Lobster Bites, on the other hand, are very low on the fishiness scale—but still, perhaps just a tad fishier than the previously reviewed Crab Rangoon, a product which is still tied for the highest score on this blog ever. Now, I'm also a fan of these Lobster Bites, but they do come with a hefty price tag: in the ballpark of $7 for 10 bite-sized spheres. However, a wise man once told me, "Beware of discount seafood." You don't want to go cheap when you're dealing with lobster. I was horrified when I saw that Au Bon Pain offered a Lobster Roll for $13. But apparently, many people think you should actually spend more than $13 for a Lobster Salad Sandwich and get a "real" one from a mom and pop's local store instead. Since I avoid $15 sandwiches just on principle alone, I'll have to stick to store-brand, lobster-based appetizers for now.

And I have to say, they're good. The breading, size, and overall texture of these bites reminds me a bit of Trader Joe's Arancini Bites, but the insides taste like lobster and cream cheese rather than fontina cheese and rice. Each ball had leaked a significant portion of its contents onto the baking sheet by the time they came out of the oven, but the oozed-out portion was thick enough to be scooped up easily with a fork.

As was the case with the Crab Rangoon, I think these appetizers could pass for restaurant-quality. In light of that statement, the $7 you pay for them doesn't seem so unreasonable, considering you'd pay nearly twice that at a fine dining establishment. So if you want to impress some guests or throw some pseudo-chichi party at your house, keep these Lobster Bites in mind. But all things considered, I'd still say the Crab Rangoon is a slightly better buy.

I give these Lobster Bites 8 out of 10 stars.

Archer Farms Crab Rangoon

I don't know what a "rangoon" is, but I'm guessing it's an Asian-inspired oven-pastry type hors d'oeuvre, because that's exactly what we have here. To date, this is the most "risky" item I've tried from the Archer Farms brand. And, other than the price, it's a big thumbs up.

There are no actual chunks of crab meat that I could detect. It's a creamy, crab-infused filling, but it's really tasty. It's almost like a seafood bisque baked into a flaky golden shell. I was thoroughly impressed with the overall taste and quality of this product. 

On the down side, $6.99 is a bit much to pay for just 12 small pieces of an appetizer, no matter how delicious they may be. This box happened to be on sale for $5.99, and although I've learned to be wary of discount seafood, I decided it was a chance worth taking. Also slightly disappointing and misleading was the lack of a dipping sauce, despite the prominently featured bowl of tasty-looking sweet and sour or whatever on the front of the packaging. Marketing people can get away with bloody murder via that "serving suggestion" loophole.

All in all, I guess the price isn't that bad considering you'd pay 50% more at a seafood restaurant, and honestly, the quality of these is almost on par with Red Lobster-style appetizers or Hancock Gourmet Lobster Company's Maine Shore Dinner (Google Affiliate Ad). I didn't really miss the sauce once I started eating them, because they are quite flavorful. If you like crab, you'll most likely be a fan of these.

Trust me, I don't get paid by Archer Farms or Target. I'm being honest and objective, and if you keep reading this blog, you will eventually see a thoroughly negative review. But for now, I'm going to have to sing AF's praises for rewarding me with a tasty treat for dinner last night. I took a risk, and it paid off.

I give these 9 out of 10 stars.