Archer Farms Petite Quiche Pastry Collection

I rarely find myself in the mood for eggs, but I'm running out of appetizers to review at our local Target store. I think I've tried everything in their freezer at this point, but I'm sure they'll go ahead and usher in some new items very soon just to please me.

Or not.

It's not that I don't like eggs. If I'm in the mood for them, they can really hit the spot. And when I say "eggs," I really mean eggs and all egg-based products, like omelettes or quiches. They tend to be very filling and sit heavily in my stomach.

But nonetheless, I took one for the team and ate these little quiches so you'll know what to expect.

The pastry part is pretty much the same among all three varieties. It's like a pie crust. It's nothing ultra-special, but it'll brown nicely if you cook it long enough, it's very pastry-like, and it's good and flaky. I found the baking instructions to be spot on with this product, and in my experience, that's seldom the case.

The spinach Florentine kind is good, well...if you like spinach. It's kinda like a baked spinach dip with eggs.

On the Lorraine quiches, the cheese stands out the most. It's akin to a delicious egg and cheese omelette squeezed onto a tiny pastry crust. Lorraine is one sexy lady.

Before I even tasted the third variety, I smelled a beautiful campfire in the woods, complete with a skillet full of crispy bacon and egg-filled breakfast sandwich mountain pies. Just a little applewood-smoked bacon goes a long way. I think this one was my favorite.

Unlike other AF hors d'doeuvres, this product comes with two separately packaged cases of 12 quiches a piece. Each one is enough to entertain a small gathering by itself. Or you can do like me, and make each package a fattening, calorific meal for one.

I give this product 7 out of 10 stars.

Archer Farms French Vanilla Almond Crunch

Wow. Two French items in a row. At least, I'm pretty sure the crème brûlée was French, what with all those accent marks pointing in different directions and the little tepee-looking thing over the "u" that apparently makes it sound like two "o's."

We know this product is French because they just come right out and tell us. Instead, they should have just spelled it "Vánilla Almônd Crúnch." It looks way more exotic that way.

But that's pretty much par for the course with these AF cereals. The chocolate hazelnut granola is only "biscotti" because they tell us it's biscotti. There's nothing biscotti-esque about it.

And although there may be nothing particularly French about this breakfast cereal, it certainly does taste of vanilla. And that's good. Because otherwise, it would just be granola. Period. There might have been almonds in there, but I don't think they did enough for the taste and texture of this product to ever warrant another purchase.

But the vanilla flavor saved it. It's sweet—and distinctly vanilla. It's not just extra sugar. I've never been particularly good at distinguishing French vanilla from, say, American vanilla, but I can tell vanilla from just plain old sweet.

So if you like granola and you like vanilla, you might wanna check out this cereal. I'd put it right up there with the Pecan Sticky Bun Granola and the Blueberry Granola.

7 out of 10 stars for this product.

Archer Farms Crème Brûlée

Yes, they sell fine French desserts at Target, including crème brûlée. Now that's one instance where I hope you mentally pronounced Target as "Tar-zhay." So freakin' fancy. But did they do it well? The answer is yes. Well enough for this unsophisticated foodie-hack, anyway.

I've had crème brûlée at a couple of weddings, some Las Vegas buffets, from Trader Joe's, and at a nice little family-run French restaurant. Overall, the first wedding I had it at was the best one. But flavor-wise, this one might be tied for second. It's DELICIOUS.

However, it utterly failed the sugar-shell crackable top test. You actually have to put the sugar on yourself, stick the dessert in the broiler for a few minutes and hope that the sugar melts evenly across the top of the crème. 

But it didn't. There were just big granules of pseudo-melted sugar all clustered across the top of the custard. Maybe if my wife and I had been more meticulous with our sugar-distribution, it would have turned out better, but this is why it's best to have some expert chef do it for you. We were in this sugar-craving frenzy and we didn't have our wits about us, much to the shame of our poor dessert. And then, after broiling the crème brûlée, you're supposed to allow it to sit on the counter and cool—and then you're supposed to put it back in the fridge! Who has that kind of willpower!?

But honestly, I don't really care about the sugar-shell crackable top thing. As long as it tastes good. And IT DID. This is honestly the best thing I have ever tasted from Target. The custard and the sugar were amazing together.

It's $6 for two little dishes of the delectable dessert. But they're worth it. Plus, it comes with two ceramic ramekins that you can keep! My wife thinks she'll use them to make her own flan someday (we'll see if that actually happens, though). And if not, they'll come in handy as dipping bowls for salsa or sauce of some kind.

If they weren't so much work, and if the top had come out a tad better, this might have been our first perfect 10 star score.

I give this crème brûlée 9 out of 10 stars.